The Original Poster (OP), known as u/throwaway63677754, posted about the incident in Reddit’s popular “Am I The A******” where it received more than 6,500 upvotes and 3,300 comments. The post can be found here.
Boundaries and Trust
Data collected by the National Alliance of Caregiving and AARP found that 5.7 million Americans are caretakers for their spouses.
NAC and AARP also reported that spousal caregiving is higher-intensity than other types of caregiving since they often tend to their spouse’s medical and nursing needs alone.
Caitlin R. Burgess, LMFT, told Newsweek that it is important for couples to maintain trust and ensure that they do not violate their partner’s privacy rights.
“Privacy rights are intertwined with personal freedom, and when two people share a close bond, romantic or otherwise, they need to feel safe and secure sharing personal information,” Burgess said. “When your partner shares private information about you with others, whether it be medical, financial, or other personal information, you need to communicate clearly with your partner about this boundary violation.”
She added that it is important to be assertive and set healthy boundaries with a partner to ensure that they understand your viewpoint.
“Practice being precise and direct about your boundaries related to the communication of personal information,” Burgess said. “Don’t just assume your romantic partner knows your limits. Oversharing intimate details regarding your partner’s financial problems, health conditions, trauma history, or your sex life could erode your partner’s trust.”
‘AITA?’
In the post titled “AITA telling my husband to get over himself after he accused me of sharing his ‘private medical information’ with my friends?” the 32-year-old OP said her husband, 36, has been in and out of the hospital for the past two months.
Although his condition is not improving, she said he is currently stable at home. Recently, the OP’s friends came over to chat in the living room since she cannot leave the house at night.
“My husband heard me talk about his health with my friends and seemed bothered,” the post read. “I told him I was just telling them about what’s been going on, but he said I could keep it vague without disclosing his private medical info.”
The OP said she thought her husband was “ridiculous” and that he should just “let it go,” but said he “blew up” at her after her friends went home.
He told her that she shared his private medical information without his consent, despite him asking her several times to stop.
“We had a loud argument where I told him off for policing my mouth and told him to get over himself since it wasn’t like I was sharing his medical file online or stuff like that,” the post read. “I’m just venting to my friends.”
The OP said her husband is “sulking” and said she was “violating his privacy” by “disrespecting his boundaries.”
“But I think he overreacted. AITA?” the post read.
In an update, the OP said she was not “deliberately” trying to upset her husband and just needed to vent with her closest friends.
“What is he so worried about? That they’ll share this with the whole city?!?!” the update read. “Besides, it’s not like my friends or those who know us don’t know he’s sick.”
Redditor Reactions
More than 3,300 users commented on the post, many criticizing the OP for not respecting her husband’s boundaries.
“YTA. He stated his boundaries. You disrespected them. Medical information is personal. He has the right to decide who knows it. Not you, not to vent,” one user said. “Honestly, I kinda think you needed to get over yourself.”
“Your husband specifically requested that you stop sharing his private medical info, while specifically not objecting to you having conversations with your friends about what you are going through,” another said. “And your response to this reasonable request was not to discuss it with him, not to try to figure out a compromise, but instead to simply dismiss him as ridiculous? Yeah, YTA.”
“Shut your mouth and be a decent wife,” another user said.
“You were asked not to share his private medical information, you did anyway,” another said. “That’s just completely out of line on your part.”
“He asked you not to discuss his medical issues, and you did it anyway. Have some respect,” another commented. “He’s allowed to decide what he wants other people to know about HIM and HIS personal medical problems. He is right. You ARE violating his privacy and you ARE disrespecting his boundaries.”
Newsweek reached out to u/throwaway63677754 for comment.
Other Viral Posts
In another viral post, a woman was backed for telling her disabled husband that she needed alone time with her friends while a man was slammed for telling his fiancée to pay his medical bills.
One man was also criticized for refusing to visit his girlfriend in the hospital due to anxiety.
