In a post published on Reddit’s popular r/AmITheA****** forum that has received 8,600 upvotes, u/uh7g6f, 24, explained her sister 30, had a “horrific” car accident 13 years ago that left her in a coma for three weeks.
She woke up with an excessive preoccupation with sexual fantasies, urges or behaviors that are difficult to control, known as hypersexuality disorder.
The original poster (OP) states the condition worsens when she visits with her husband, 23, and says “things become very uncomfortable.”
Rami Hashish, a body performance and injury expert, told Newsweek: “This is actually far more common than you’d think. Essentially if you have damage to the temporal lobe (one of the four major lobes of the cerebral cortex in the brain) it may affect the limbic system which controls the mediation of sexual behavior. Typically it results in a reduction in libido but periodically it results in the opposite.”
Research published by the monthly open access medical journal JAMA Network found that 8 percent of 2,325 U.S. adults “endorsed clinically relevant levels of distress and/or impairment associated with difficulty controlling sexual feelings, urges, and behaviors.”
Explaining her story, the OP wrote: “I have been married to my husband for 2 years now, dating for 4. After the first Christmas he spent with my family, I did my best to avoid spending the holidays with them (we usually make the excuse that my husband is an only child and go visit his parents).”
She points out she loves her sister but “her behaviors are not suited for the public. And they are not voluntary.”
“The doctors tried multiple meds and she is still in therapy, but nothing seems to work. It cost my sister almost all her friends, [and] multiple jobs, and she is unable to have a meaningful relationship (so far).
“The thing is, whenever my husband visits, it seems to get worse. My husband is attractive, and it is obvious she is attracted to him (neither of us blames her for that), but if we spend any extended period with her, things become very uncomfortable,” she wrote.
But this year, the OP’s in-laws are spending Christmas in Europe so her parents automatically assumed the couple will be spending the festive period with them.
“I ended up telling them that we would be spending it on our own, but that I will be visiting Christmas Day for a couple of hours. They were upset, [and] kept insisting to know why we avoid them. I finally said that we did not want to spend the whole holiday trying to redirect my sister’s behavior or trying to dispel the awkwardness when we couldn’t. They called me an ableist AH [a******].
“Then they went and told my sister what I said, and now she is crying, saying that I was just like everyone else, that I was also slut shaming her, even though I know she doesn’t do it on purpose,” the OP wrote.
Speaking to Newsweek, Stephanie Larsen, a sex therapist said: “Usually hypersexuality has to do with attachment styles, having felt close to primary caregivers and having been accepted or not, feeling seen, understanding one’s own emotions and drives.”
The licensed mental health clinician added: “This story you are referring to is for totally different reasons. It is also interesting the sister with the issue defended herself by saying she was being slut shamed instead of stating I have a traumatic brain injury and have issues controlling my primal urges, but if she has lost more of her cortex abilities to reason, delay impulse, speak and advocate for herself rationally that may also explain that.”
More than 1,000 people have commented on the OP’s dilemma since it was posted on December 7.
“The situation sucks but it’s not your fault either and your husband does not have to subject himself to SA [sexual abuse] or SH [sexual harassment] for the holidays,” said one.
“I wish there was a vote for ’no a******* but parents’ because I feel like that’s getting more and more common. OP is not in the wrong for looking out for her husband’s well-being. Sister is not in the wrong for feeling ashamed. I have a feeling parents framed it in a way to put the blame on the sister rather than the unfortunate situation which, in my opinion, makes them the a******,” wrote another.
A further response read: “Brain damage in certain areas of the brain can partially or completely disrupt [the] ability to self-regulate. Someone may know that something is wrong but they don’t have any impulse control. Given the length of time from the accident, that is probably not going to change much.
“She can know something intellectually but if that part of her brain is damaged nothing is going to improve [her] impulse control likely besides possibly some medication that reduces her sex drive or possibly intensive inpatient behavioral modification and training with consistent reinforcement through her life and environmental changes-like not being around people who she is sexually attracted to.
“Sister probably doesn’t really grasp that her actions are wrong, just that people think they are wrong. If she’s this impaired, she probably also isn’t reading cues from other people well either.”
Newsweek reached out to u/uh7g6f for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
